diff --git a/npm-shrinkwrap.json b/npm-shrinkwrap.json
index a12e65d1e2..a232dccd70 100644
--- a/npm-shrinkwrap.json
+++ b/npm-shrinkwrap.json
@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 {
   "name": "habitica",
-  "version": "3.83.0",
+  "version": "3.83.5",
   "dependencies": {
     "@gulp-sourcemaps/map-sources": {
       "version": "1.0.0",
diff --git a/package.json b/package.json
index 1fbd0b3cc7..201e42ef6d 100644
--- a/package.json
+++ b/package.json
@@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
 {
   "name": "habitica",
   "description": "A habit tracker app which treats your goals like a Role Playing Game.",
-  "version": "3.83.0",
+  "version": "3.83.5",
   "main": "./website/server/index.js",
   "dependencies": {
     "@slack/client": "^3.8.1",
diff --git a/website/views/shared/new-stuff.jade b/website/views/shared/new-stuff.jade
index bd6889b324..acf5b4b5db 100644
--- a/website/views/shared/new-stuff.jade
+++ b/website/views/shared/new-stuff.jade
@@ -1,28 +1,43 @@
-h2 3/30/2017 - LAST CHANCE FOR SHIMMER ARMOR SET, AND... WHAT IS THE APRIL FOOL UP TO?
+h2 4/1/2017 - THE APRIL FOOL'S DISTRACTION DISCOTHEQUE AND DAZZLE DANCE EMPORIUM
   hr
   tr
     td
-      .npc_aprilFool.pull-right
-      h3 Be on the Lookout for Weekend Shenanigans...
-      p The April Fool has been looking awfully cheerful recently. TOO cheerful... He promises that he's not planning any shenanigans at the turn of the month, but we suspect that this masterful Rogue may have some tricks up his sleeves.
-      br
-      p "Nonsense!" he says. "Me, interfere on April Fool's Day? Why, you won't even see me."
-      br
-      p Perhaps you should check back over the weekend, just in case...
+      h3 Welcome to the Distraction Discotheque and Dazzle Dance Emporium!
+      p "It's a marvelous day, and I, Bailey the Town DJ, would like to warmly welcome you to the Distraction Discotheque and Dazzle Dance Emporium! This festive location was set up by the dashing, brilliant, and humble April Fool. It's entirely devoted to sparkly diversion -- and avoiding productivity at all costs!
   tr
     td
-      .promo_mystery_201703.pull-left.slight-right-margin
-      h3 Last Chance for Shimmer Armor Set
-      p Reminder: this is the final day to <a href='/#/options/settings/subscription'>subscribe</a> and receive the Shimmer Armor Set! Subscribing also lets you buy gems for gold. The longer your subscription, the more gems you get!
+      h3 Rad New NPCs!
+      p Be sure to check out all your favorite places on Habitica today to visit the Non-Player Characters, a set of ENTIRELY unique individuals, as I... er, they... have a grand time and dance the day away!
+  tr
+    td
+      h3 Party with the April Fool and Win Gems!
+      p You're going to have a wonderful time, not least of all because the April Fool, in his endless magnanimity, is making the time to party with every single one of you -- take a peek at your avatar!
       br
-      p Thanks so much for your support! You help keep Habitica running.
-      p.small.muted by Lemoness
+      p For even more fun, check out <a href='/#/options/groups/challenges/f55bbda3-f14c-407e-b238-8f82b85f126f'>the official Challenge</a> posted especially for today! Share your avatar featuring that fantastic Fool on social media, and you'll have a chance to win gems. Now go boogie!"
 
 if menuItem !== 'oldNews'
   hr
   a(href='/static/old-news', target='_blank') Read older news
 
 mixin oldNews
+  h2 3/30/2017 - LAST CHANCE FOR SHIMMER ARMOR SET, AND... WHAT IS THE APRIL FOOL UP TO?
+    tr
+      td
+        .npc_aprilFool.pull-right
+        h3 Be on the Lookout for Weekend Shenanigans...
+        p The April Fool has been looking awfully cheerful recently. TOO cheerful... He promises that he's not planning any shenanigans at the turn of the month, but we suspect that this masterful Rogue may have some tricks up his sleeves.
+        br
+        p "Nonsense!" he says. "Me, interfere on April Fool's Day? Why, you won't even see me."
+        br
+        p Perhaps you should check back over the weekend, just in case...
+    tr
+      td
+        .promo_mystery_201703.pull-left.slight-right-margin
+        h3 Last Chance for Shimmer Armor Set
+        p Reminder: this is the final day to <a href='/#/options/settings/subscription'>subscribe</a> and receive the Shimmer Armor Set! Subscribing also lets you buy gems for gold. The longer your subscription, the more gems you get!
+        br
+        p Thanks so much for your support! You help keep Habitica running.
+        p.small.muted by Lemoness
   h2 3/28/2017 - DEWINES CONTRIBUTOR SPOTLIGHT, ECO-FRIENDLY GUILD SPOTLIGHT, AND COMMUNITY GUIDELINES UPDATES
     tr
       td